BY MATT COKER (& OTHER CR FRIENDS)
A woman who leads a Celebrate Recovery program in her home church came to an online Facebook group asking for help making a list of "You Might Be a Redneck"-style jokes for people who are in Celebrate Recovery (a faith-based 12 step program for all habits, hang-ups, and hurts that we here at The Back Row fully endorse). She was putting them together for a skit to celebrate their 11th year running!
I thought it was too funny not to share! I've collected some of the best and re-worked a few others that had potential and come up with a list of 20. So, here they are:
You might be in Celebrate Recovery if...
...after you introduce yourself to someone you've never met, you also tell him your struggles.
...you yell "No Crosstalk!" whenever a friend interrupts you.
...you can't learn anything new unless it's presented in an acrostic.
...you can't stand near a cliff, by the ocean, or in a field without raising your arms up in victory and worship.
...when your co-worker is complaining about their spouse, you remind them to use "I" statements only.
...you can't concentrate on one person talking for longer than 3 to 5 minutes at a time.
...you feel conflicted when someone asks for a Kleenex.
...you don't play Gin Rummy in case one of your friends is struggling with alcohol.
...someone gives you a chip and you are disappointed that it's edible.
...you refuse to teach the intern how to do his job, but you'll tell him how YOU learned it.
...whenever see the Nile River on a map of Egypt, you chuckle.
...you hear yourself saying "Pass" at staff meetings.
...you hear "and now a word from our sponsor" and expect to hear wisdom.
...when the new janitor introduces himself as Bill and you loudly reply "Hi, Bill!"
...you end all conversations with "Thank you for letting me share."
...you do an inventory of yourself because of your reaction while standing in the long checkout line.
...when you ask someone how they are and they say "Fine," you respond, "No, really... how ARE you?"
...when the Pastor reads the beatitudes on a Sunday and you can't keep yourself from reading them out loud with him.
...you can't remember anyone's name who doesn't have a name tag on.
...when your computer alerts you to a malfunction, you are just proud that it admits it has a problem.
Matt Coker is the Ministry Director of The Back Row. He is married to a beautiful woman he met when they were both in youth group and they have one mischievous son together. Matt collects Funko Pop figures, loves time travel movies, and enjoys jerky meats. You can contact Matt via the contact page or on Twitter at @MatthewSCoker & @BackRowBaptist.
A collection of faith-based funnies for those who need a chuckle or two.