Corey Wade | @cwadepga
I have a confession to make: I enjoy secular music. Now take a minute to collect yourself … It’s okay, I can wait.
Ready to continue? Are you sure? Alright.
So as with any self-respecting Christian with such a dirty little secret to hide, I have had one of two choices: 1) Develop a Biblical worldview that allows for the listening of edifying non-Christian music, or 2) Find a way to make my favorite secular songs more Jesus-y.
As with most of you, I chose the latter. Here is my guide to baptizing your favorite songs by genre:
The benefit of this style of music happens to be its obsession with death. This plays well with themes such as “dying to yourself” etc… Also the anger behind this music must be funneled to a different object. Most rock songs are angry at girls, the establishment, parents, etc. You must pinpoint all the angst of the song at one person—The Devil. You can be mad at the Devil, right? Another strength found especially in Hardcore in the inability to distinguish any intelligible lyrics. If you don’t know what they are saying, just make your own up. More sanctified through, of course.
R&B and Hip Hop
Location, location, location—The first rule of real estate also applies to the sanctifying of R&B and Hip Hop music. To clean up this genre, simply place the song within the grounds of holy matrimony. Those without rings need not apply.
Love Songs (Especially those involving a skinny guy and a guitar)
Most love songs apply under the Song of Solomon Principle, which basically states that you treat love songs with the same interpretation that the church has handled the Song of Songs for hundreds of years: It REALLY stands for Jesus’ love for the church. Because God would never dedicate a book of the Bible to marital love—Wink Wink. It works both ways, just have the song state your love for God or his love for you. I knew a girl from college who used this tactic to redeem Enrique Iglesias’ “Hero.” Yes, Jesus can be your hero baby!
Most new country songs, sadly, are unsalvageable. They have left the realm that really typified country music—inconsolable sadness. This puts it right in line with the great Psalms of Lament or the Book of Lamentations. If you can find the right music, just let that smooth twang whisk you away to a sad, sad place. Just as with Rock music, point this sadness at the injustice of your choice, like how McDonald's does not serve decaf coffee. The one pitfall to avoid is Country music’s fascination with alcohol. Simple fix—replace Beers with Tears and let the laments roll. You’re welcome.
While sharing Hardcore’s strength of unintelligible lyrics in which you can replace with your own, some Rap music tends to have the hurdle of materialism to jump. In Rap music, when listing all of your houses, cars, etc., make sure to view them in more of a "heavenly riches in Christ" mindset. Just start bragging about that heavenly mansion today.
So what are some of your tips and tricks to for Baptizing non-Christian songs?
Corey Wade decided to put his Biblical Studies degree to good use by becoming a PGA Golf Professional in Crossville, Tennessee. He and his beautiful wife Karyn are foster parents currently with three children that are apart of their forever family. His main hobbies include reading boring books, drinking coffee, and starting new hobbies only drop them weeks later. He secretly desires to be a reformed hipster and quote Augustine, but doesn't like the way his legs look in skinny jeans. You can contact him on twitter @cwadepga or his email email@example.com. Go Vols!!!
A collection of faith-based funnies for those who need a chuckle or two.