This past Monday, we released a podcast about Men Fighting Porn Addiction featuring an interview with our founder who has been locked in that addiction and found freedom in recovery. He also answered several of your questions about the subject, including porn's effect on marriage and what purity looks like for single Christians.
If you haven't heard it yet, you can listen to it right here:
Now, we're creating a full list of additional tools and resources to help women who are struggling!
Celebrate Recovery Group Locator
If you listened to the podcast, you'll know that this was the greatest tool in the arsenal because it attacks the addiction on multiple fronts. You find positive friendships, accountability, sponsorship, testimonies, teachings, the Bible-based 12 Steps, and a guidance on how to find the hidden reasons BEHIND your addiction. Best of all, it's free and it's everywhere! Click to search for a Celebrate Recovery in your area.
6 Reasons Men and Women are Drawn to Porn by Luke Gilkerson
Hope and Help for the Porn Addict by Trip Lee
Porn's Effect on the Brain by Austin Ross
3 Gospel Principles for Battling Porn Addiction by Luke Gilkerson
Terry Crews (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) Fight Porn Addiction by Mary Elizabeth Williams
Fight Sexual Addiction Like a Man by Ryan Frederick
Resisting the Power of Pornography by Steve Watters
Sexual Success by Dr. Doug Weiss
I'm a Christian Addicted to Porn by Shaun Groves
Fighting for Purity by Gerald Hiestand
Married Men: Your Porn Habit is an Adultery Habit by Matt Walsh
Men Fighting Porn Addiction with Matt Coker
PornFree Radio by Matt Dobschuetz
Porn-Again Christian by Matt Coker
Blazing Grace Podcast by UrbanMinisitry.org
We've Lost the War on Porn - Now What? with Matt Coker
Is Masturbation Always a Sin? (Opening Segment) with Matt Coker
Accountable2You: Individual - $5/month | Family - $9/month
CovenantEyes: Individual - $11/month | Family - $15/month
Ever Accountable: Individual - $7/month | Family - $10/month
Lion: Free | Costs $10 to add Accountability Partners (1-Time Fee)
X3watch: $7/month or $65/year
*A WARNING ABOUT ACCOUNTABILITY SOFTWARE*
Realize that this is simply a tool that should make getting porn more difficult, thus giving you the opportunity to surrender the temptation to God or call an accountability partner, but these will NOT stop you from looking at porn.
Much like we are warned of Diet Soda because it tricks us into thinking because we are being healthy, we can eat a few more calories, and thus we wind up still gaining weight, be warned that Accountability Software is not a cure for your addiction. Don't convince yourself that you are safe from temptation because you've got your phone locked down.
You must remember this is simply a tool that should be used in conjunction with several others as you work on your recovery.
Your First Steps
Here are the ABC's of getting started in your Recovery process - 10 things you can start on right now that will benefit you moving forward:
Realize that you are addicted. Understand that you are powerless to defeat this addiction on your own (if you could, you would've done it already).
Realize that the ONLY place you can find enough willpower to defeat this addiction is Jesus Christ, the one whom has conquered all our sins. He must be your source of strength in the face of temptation.
Find someone you trust, someone the same gender as you, and someone whom you're not related to (you'd be more likely to lie to them), and confess that you have this problem. Let it all out and drop the baggage. If they are willing, make this person your accountability partner who can check on you and help keep you on track.
Install safeguards where you know you've been tempted or triggered before. Install accountability software, set up parental rating controls on Netflix (give your password to your accountability partner), cancel HBO and Showtime, etc.
Take a scouring pad to your phone and laptop. Erase every photo, video, story, and bookmark that you may have saved that is sexually provocative. If you have any magazines, books, DVDs, or even R-rated movies with too much skin, gather it all up and destroy it (not just throw it out - take scissors to it all and THEN throw it out).
Stop for 10 to 15 minutes each morning to have some quiet time with God. Pray, read the Bible, sing praise songs, and meditate (that really just means "listen"). Connect with God and make it a PRIORITY APPOINTMENT each and every day - NOT OPTIONAL.
Find a group of like-minded individuals. If you are lucky enough to know of more women struggling, start up an accountability group and meet once a week. Or, join a Celebrate Recovery program near you. Anonymous and confidential opportunities to share your struggles and victories is a major boost to your recovery.
Remember that this is going to be a process. Sure, we've heard stories of people deciding they were done and walking away without so much as a hiccup along the way, but those cases are super rare. Most people must work at it day by day, trusting God in the steady progress. Don't stress about the future or live in the guilt of the past - hope in the here and now.
Take a look back at your life from as far back as you can remember. Write down every significant event in your life, good or bad. This will help you see when your addiction started and how it progressed.
Take a daily look at yourself and your actions. When you feel tempted, whether you gave in or not, write the incident down. What happened right before that? Did you give in or break free? Why or how? These kind of questions in your journal entries should help you see a current pattern in your life as to what triggers these temptations and hopefully, this should help you make an action plan to fight these triggers in the future.
No more stalling.
No more putting it off.
This is the day that the Lord has made.
This is where the healing begins.
Today is the beginning of the next chapter of your life.
Matt Coker | @BackRowOnline
I still remember the day a few years ago when I burned my finger really badly.
You see, we were in a rush, because my wife had to go back to a baby shower soon and we had a semi-elaborate meal planned, so I was cooking up a storm.
We have several spatulas, but one of them has a metal handle. I rarely use that one, so I got in the habit of just resting the spatula on the skillet for a moment with the plastic ones. Well, because I was trying to cook a couple things at once, I didn’t think about it when I sat the metal one on the skillet.
By the time I picked it back up, it was white hot. Burned a huge patch on the top portion of my inner index finger. Hurt like death. I was literally crying involuntarily. DON’T YOU JUDGE ME! THAT THING HURT! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CRYING WHEN IT HURTS!
Anyway, I spent the rest of my day wrapping it in a frozen towel, then airing it out until it hurt again, then putting it back on the frozen wet towel. Off and on, off and on.
So, now I have this zombie finger where most of my finger print is bright red, surrounded by normal flesh.
I wore a Band-Aid over it during the day when I’m at work, since I had to use it to type and write and everything ever (did I mention it was my right-handed index finger, on my dominant hand… it’s like the most important finger I have!).